Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
