Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
