when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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