I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
