in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
