maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
