I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Who died my cat blue again?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
