ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
