I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
