I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
