Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
