i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Enjoy the penises
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
