Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
