Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
