I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
