Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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