I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
