Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
