I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
