i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
