I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
