So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
