Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
