Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
