Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
