I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
