I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
