he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
