Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
