why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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