This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
