He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
