we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
