But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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