I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
