y did u give ur computer a hand job?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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