How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
