Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
