so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
