My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
