You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I need to sanitize my soul.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
