I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
