I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
