Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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