Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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