she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
