If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
