My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
