life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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