i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
