She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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