then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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