I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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