Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
